People Actually DO Read My Blog!!

Okay, okay, that's just a pure Yay Me I'm So Awesome annoying title, but I just wanted to say thanks to those who read, even the blips that you do (according to the stats I see, more than half my visitors linger for 20 second or less). Of course, I much more appreciate those who have actually read the posts and I've received a few replies about the last post on perfectionism. I hope it's helped some people out to at least consider what their stumbling blocks might be and know that there is help out there, there's nothing wrong with you, you just need to understand how you're wired and how to deal with it. I mean, isn't that what we do with other people - co-workers, family members, friends, our kids? We get to know what makes them tick and what triggers them and work with who they are.

The issue may be that it takes some pride-swallowing to admit we may not know everything about ourselves, and that talking to a professional may be warranted. I've seen this happen in physical ailments as well. It wasn't until I hurt a lot from my first pregnancy that I saw professional treatment as an important part of my health so I don't suffer further pain. It may not erase it, but if I have access to help, why not use it so I can be a better version of myself?

So after this first session (next week is my next one), I've felt less guilty, even tho I haven't done more. I'm not saying I feel great, but I do feel less of a weight on my shoulders, and that may be my first step towards being better.

On a separate note, no one voted on what song Derek came home singing! Ah well, I'll unleash this earworm onto you all anyway. May this enhance your groove this Monday, even as you roll your eyes to this cheesy 90s hit.

CAVEAT!! I'm posting the original video, which is fairly...well, there is a lot of flesh being flashed. But that's the juxtaposition for me when I hear the chorus of this song coming out of my 4-year-old's mouth! I know it was used in Madagascar but for me, this was a song which encouraged raunchiness, misogyny and just plain rudeness. For a deeper Monday thought, have you considered how you will be exposing your children to the lyrical content and intent of songs they hear?

Wanting, But Not Getting, Things Done

I thought I was just a procrastinator. I can usually pull off things at the last minute and still do a satisfactory job. Or, I stay up late (like I am right now - it's 3:20am) and suffer the consequences in the morning. Yeah, not the coolest way to live.

Especially as a mom! There are so many things to do (like my kid's lunch... dang, just realized I forgot that!!) and procrastinating just makes it worse. And these are things that I want to do. I mean, I don't love doing chores but I like seeing things completed and done well. And yet I put things off, filling my time with Facebook and Huff posts and whatever Buzzfeed is feeding me that day.

In November I hit a low. I realize now that it was a combination of less help (my mother-in-law was on vacation and she usually watches my older one for a night or two a week - so helpful!), the mundane routine due to less flexibility in the schedule, the increasingly shorter days and colder weather, and hormones getting into the mix. We confirmed in December that we're pregnant with our third - yay chaos!! - and I'm sure the cocktail of chemicals let loose did not help me.

I realized I needed help. Not hire-a-maid help, which would definitely be helpful, but something inside of me felt broken and needed fixing. I pondered throughout December and decided in January that I would go seek counselling. I've done so before when I hit a wall during my studies at Tyndale and it helped a lot to have a third party to talk to.

I am so glad I decided to go. I've had my first appointment already and tearily vented my frustration with being unproductive, overwhelmed, depressed, wanting relief, wondering why I couldn't just get things done, wondering why I was always escaping. What the counsellor suggested is that I might be a perfectionist.

What?? But aren't perfectionists people who get things done?? If you walk through the current state of my home, I am nowhere near that. However, it's my need for wanting things "just so" which keeps me from starting sometimes. I'd rather fail at starting than fail at the project or task itself. Reflecting on that statement, it's so true that I have to laugh at how silly it sounds, and yet it really is a problem, especially when, as a parent, there are so many things that need to get done, never mind started!!

I just wanted to share this because i'm sure there are many parents out there who are perfectionists. I hope to share more of my journey with you so you know that you're not alone and that you're not messed up. You just need to understand how your wired and work it out to your advantage. I tackled being wired as an introvert during my first maternity leave and that was so liberating. I can't wait to see what I learn about perfectionism and how I can get unstuck!

I've yet to have my second appointment but in the mean time, I've been recommended to read Never Good Enough by Monica Ramirez Basod. It's available on bookoutlets.ca for a very discounted price and if you pick up a few other books for your kids, the shipping is worth the cost.

So that explains a bit as to why my posts are few and far between. Not excusing, just explaining. I wait for the perfect time, the perfect mindset, the perfect topic, yadda yadda... right now, I just yelled "Carpe diem!" - well, really, "Carpe noctem!", considering the hour - and really, yelled in my head, since the kids are asleep - and just started typing this post. I'm proud of myself for getting this out. I'm not proud of myself for procrastinating on the night's chores and getting less sleep for the 3rd night in a row, but let's try to stay on the positive side of things, eh?

And how, to check off another item on my list and make my kid's lunch. =) Better late tonight than rushed tomorrow!

Parents may be in hamster balls too!

Wow, so I got almost double the number of visits I usually do with the previous post about the differences of priorities & schedules between single/no-kid people and parents.  I started to cheer a bit until... I saw that a good number of people jumped the page, and the average time was pretty low.  =S  I really hope I didn't offend those of you who are single or don't have kids because the sentiment definitely does not apply to everyone and even if it did, it isn't usually to the extreme of the person who submitted the question.

What I do hope is that it creates some better understanding to single/no-kid peeps and some relief of guilt to parents.  We do want to meet with our friends but we only have so much energy and much of it is depleted by kids and home tasks, forcing us to be much more selective than we ever thought we would or want to be.  Some parents are more lax, others are more strict - similar to the different student types one would meet in high school or university.

Here's something that might help.  I'm not saying all parents are introverts but I think there is some overlap in how to interact with those who may seem more unavailable.  Even more so with actually introverted parents (like me!).  Enjoy!

I love my single/no-kid friends, but...

Just a short post here.  I've somehow always been a bit ahead of my friends in stages of life (although they've always had better jobs than me!) but it wasn't until I was married for 5 years and having my first kid that I realized that was why some relationships were strained.  I found that my priorities were always a bit different which meant that my time was spent differently, a reality my friends were fairly puzzled by.  I wish I handled it better back then but ah well, it's in the past and I didn't fully understand what was going on either.

For those of you who are experiencing an adjustment with friends who don't have kids, particularly those who are still single, take a look at this "Dear Carolyn" response.  Sorry if you have trouble reading it as I didn't have the time to type it up!  If you can read it, I hope it helps give you the words, perspective and strength to work on your friendships and make them last.  Sadly, I think I'll need to let go (yes, it's been almost a decade and I had thought, until recently, I could resurrect things to "the ways they were") and work on current and new friendships.

How about you?  Are there friends beginning to drift because your schedule and priorities have changed since becoming a parent?  Have you had a chance to address it?  What have you done to accommodate or gain understanding from your friends?

It's been a long (long time) - shouldna left you (left you, left you....frikki frikki)

That "frikki frikki" was my attempt at transcripting beat boxing, haha.  But as Aaliyah says, If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again...."

I won't try the beat boxing thing again but I will attempt - yet again - to resurrect this blog.  I've had loads of ideas for posts but it's been hard to get to them.  Since potty training, we've been dealing with our toddler getting up and out of bed for up to 2 hours after we put him to bed.  Average is 1.5 hrs.  1.5 hours, my dear parents.  This means our 8:30 pm bed time, which is already later than preferred, is actually a teaser and we don't get to breathe a sigh of relief till almost 10pm!  Moreover, this is after "falling back" for Daylight Savings Time, so we're actually gaining an hour over his previous 11pm clocking out. =X

And then there's the baby's growth spurts, wonder months, teething and what-have-you.  Then there are the things that need to get done - dishes, de-cluttering, unpacking online order arrivals (huge props to parents who bring their kids in-store to buy clothes!!) - and simply being near brain dead once the kids are both finally asleep.  I don't have much juice flowing to put pen to paper (words to blog?) nearing midnight!

Part of it is also performance anxiety.  I want my blog to be read!  But who wants to read the ramblings of a zombie-like mom who's pretending to be alive and humourous?  Especially when that zombie state of mind rears the ugly neurotic head.  Was that funny?  It was funny before, maybe it isn't now... I changed this paragraph, the funniness level had dropped... Do I reveal this?  Will I sound like a horrible mother?  Housekeeper?  Wife?  Will readers move on because I haven't tried enough to catch their attention??

Thankfully, I've decided not to let my hangups get the best of me, especially after reading an article about the worst types of Facebook posts.  I actually found nothing really wrong about the types of posts listed.  Yeah, they're annoying but who says you have to read them all?  Or give them much mind?  Or that those people are even out to make you feel insecure by "bragging" about their incredible weekend?  Status updates are just that: updates, not mini-entertainment bits for your reading pleasure.  If you're that annoyed by someone's posts, I take it you're more annoyed by the person and an assessment of friendship needs to be had.

On that note, I'll just post what comes to my mind in my life as a mom.  I may not have fancy pictures or a sleek interface with cute fonts, I may not always post fantastic tips or have the best review.  I do hope, though, that my corner of the Internet world sheds a bit of light on some parent's otherwise rainy day and perchance contribute to the parenting community at some point, simply by being me.  If I annoy you, just surf on by to the next blog.  It'll sting a bit but I'll be alright.  Gosh, you'd think I'd have learned that enough times through high school already!

Okay, enough with the rambling.  I'll wrap up here and work on my next post, which is a general review of our potty training results since September.  =D  Till then, fellow parent, hug your kids tight and treat yourself to a glass of wine.  If you're having chardonnay, please bring some over!